Friday 31 March 2017

Needless Words

Why use one word when you can use five? To keep your readers from wanting to kill you, for a start.

Poster for 1915 film Les Vampires
Irma Vep regularly uses her vampiric wiles to ensnare voyeurs.

Strunk and White said it best: “Omit needless words.” But sadly, excess verbiage proliferates as aggressively as dandelions, especially in the offices of academia, business, and government. Most of us tend to expand our sentences when we want to sound formal or well-educated, inflating them with pointless words like so much hot air. We add length but lose clarity, and sometimes even sense. Our writing becomes the verbal equivalent of puffed rice, bland and insubstantial.

Compare the following sentences:

  • Due to the fact that dragon hatchlings may become irritable when hungry, it is advisable that the handler afford them opportunities to feed in a timely manner.
  • Because hunger makes dragon hatchlings irritable, handlers should let them feed on time.

The second is much more effective—clearer, stronger, and less likely to make readers bang their foreheads against their desks in frustration.

Illumination from Anjou Bible c. 1340
Because hunger makes dragon hatchlings irritable, handlers should let them feed on time.

Fortunately, many style guides list alternatives to the wordy phrases that like to creep into our writing. Below are suggestions for some of the most common offenders.

  • Irma Vep utilizes her vampiric wiles on a regular basis as a means of ensnaring voyeurs.
  • Irma Vep regularly uses her vampiric wiles to ensnare voyeurs.

  • In the event that the alarm beacon on the clock tower begins flashing, citizens are required to put on their gas masks in a calm manner and wear them for a period of no less than six weeks or until such time as radiation levels return to normal.
  • If the alarm beacon on the clock tower starts flashing, citizens must put on their gas masks calmly and wear them for at least six weeks or until radiation levels return to normal.

  • The fact is that we have no openings for ventriloquists at this point in time; however, we hope to expand our opportunities with regard to this area in the near future.
  • We have no openings for ventriloquists right now, but we hope to soon.

  • In the case of limbo competitions, flexibility is very likely to be the deciding factor.
  • Limbo competitors must be flexible to win.

Photo of women working at U.S. Steel, 1940
If the alarm beacon on the clock tower starts flashing, citizens must put on their gas masks calmly and wear them for at least six weeks or until radiation levels return to normal.

More than improving your prose, reducing wordiness forces you to decide what you really want to say rather than regurgitate a series of meaningless phrases. Unless, of course, you’re trying to conceal the fact that you have nothing to say, in which case, puff away! (But don’t expect anyone to be fooled.)

Wednesday 1 March 2017

Shone or Shined?

Is it wrong to say “the sun shined yesterday”? Well, maybe. It depends on where you live.

Army of Bears, Germany 1485
Belle had shined her buttons carefully the night before, determined to be the most dashing bear in the regiment.

In the UK, the past tense of shine is shoneexcept when shine is used in the sense of “to polish”; then its past tense is shined (see OxfordDictionaries.com and Collins English Dictionary). So Brits might say they shined their shoes, their silver, or their snooker trophies, but the sun hasn’t shone in ages.

  • The full moon shone down on Professor Lupin at a most inconvenient moment.
  • Belle had shined her buttons carefully the night before, determined to be the most dashing bear in the regiment.

Americans are much more likely to use shined. Merriam-Webster and The American Heritage Dictionary list the past tense of shine as either shone or shined. However, as with the Brits, shined is the only correct option when you’re talking about your boots or your car.

But though US writers can use both shined and shone, there is a preference in formal writing for one over the other (as noted by American Heritage and Grammar Girl). If you want to be scrupulously correct, use shone when the verb is intransitive and shined when it’s transitive. In other words, use shone when something was itself shining—the sun, his eyes, a lava lamp—and shined when something was being shined—a flashlight, a laser, a spotlight.

  • US: The UFO shined its tractor beam on a hapless Holstein.
  • UK: The UFO shone its tractor beam on a hapless Holstein.

Canadians take their cue from the British in this, but the Guide to Canadian English Usage notes that though shone is more common for sentences like “the sun shone,” shined is not incorrect.

  • The city lights shone on Tony’s white polyester jumpsuit.
  • Paloma shined her robot’s engine until it gleamed.
  • Hien shone his flashlight into the coffin to make sure he hadn’t left anything behind.

Photo of woman and man working on military aircraft
Paloma shined her robot’s engine until it gleamed.

To recap: