Dangling Modifiers

A dangling (or misplaced) modifier can cause confusion and, often, unintentional hilarity. It’s a word or phrase that’s supposed to describe one thing but, because of how its sentence is written, actually describes something else—often in a way that’s ridiculous, impossible, or absurd.

How to Spot a Dangler

By the rules of English grammar, a descriptive word or group of words (a modifying phrase) always refers to the closest noun or pronoun.

• Glowing and beeping, we stared up at the alien craft in awe.

The pronoun closest to the modifying phrase glowing and beeping is we. No matter what its writer’s intention may have been, this sentence says we were the ones glowing and beeping, not the alien craft.

How to Un-dangle a Dangler

To fix the last example, we need to rearrange the sentence so the word being described is close to the phrase describing it.

✓	Glowing and beeping, the alien craft hovered while we stared up at it in awe.

X	Upon entering the crypt, my hair stood on end.

Technically, upon entering the crypt describes hair, which admittedly did enter the crypt but presumably not under its own steam. What did enter the crypt was the speaker, who needs to be added to the sentence.

✓	Upon entering the crypt, I felt my hair stand on end.

X	Working in her underwater lair, Dr. Megatroid’s sinister plans soon bore fruit.

Don’t let possessives confuse you. In this sentence it’s not Dr. Megatroid but her plans that are working.

✓	Working in her underwater lair, Dr. Megatroid soon saw her sinister plans bear fruit.

X	A consummate high-wire artist, he assumed her wobbles were feigned—until she plummeted to the floor amid gasps from the audience.

Who is the high-wire artist, the man or the woman? As the sentence is written, it’s the man.

✓	Knowing she was a consummate high-wire artist, he assumed her wobbles were feigned—until she plummeted to the floor amid gasps from the audience.

Now the modifying phrase does describe the closest pronoun, he.

✓	Because she was a consummate high-wire artist, he assumed her wobbles were feigned—until she plummeted to the floor amid gasps from the audience.

Here the modifying phrase has been changed to a subordinate clause.

X	Having mastered the tango and the two-step, learning the electric slide was his next goal.

What does having mastered the tango and the two-step describe here? It describes learning the electric slide, which of course makes no sense. (Learning the electric slide is a gerund phrase, which means it acts as a noun.) The unstated he needs to be added, or the modifying phrase needs to be changed to a subordinate clause.

✓	Having mastered the tango and the two-step, he set learning the electric slide as his next goal.
✓	Since he had mastered the tango and the two-step, learning the electric slide was his next goal.

X	Shaking off her trance, the spirits were scattered in every direction.

✓	Shaking off her trance, she scattered the spirits in every direction.

X	Donning his superhero mask, a sense of his own silliness came over him.

✓	Donning his superhero mask, he was overcome by a sense of his own silliness.
✓	While he was donning his superhero mask, a sense of his own silliness came over him.

Hard-to-Spot Danglers

As in the previous examples, danglers are usually found at the beginning of sentences; however, like Bolshevik spies, they may be lurking anywhere.

X	Providing enough exercise can be a challenge for owners of dogs with small apartments.

Dogs do not, as of this writing, rent apartments, small or otherwise.

✓	Providing enough exercise can be a challenge for dog owners with small apartments.

Participial Prepositions

Sometimes a word or phrase can modify an entire sentence rather than a single noun or pronoun. These participial prepositions—phrases that start with words like assuming, based on, depending, given, including, owing to, and provided—have built-in gravity boots: they never dangle.

✓	Regarding the proposed orgy, it was generally felt that dim lighting would be best for all concerned.
✓	Concerning his wayward daughter who had run off with a fallen seraph, he would only put a hand over his eyes and mutter about feathers.
✓	Barring unusual weather, the balloon should reach Abyssinia by Thursday.

Your intentions as a writer may seem obvious to you, but that doesn’t mean they’re obvious to your readers, who may become confused by dangling modifiers or, worse, laugh at them.

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Needless Words

Why use one word when you can use five? To keep your readers from wanting to kill you, for a start.

Irma Vep regularly uses her vampiric wiles to ensnare voyeurs.

Strunk and White said it best: “Omit needless words.” But sadly, excess verbiage proliferates as aggressively as dandelions, especially in the offices of academia, business, and government. Most of us tend to expand our sentences when we want to sound formal or well-educated, inflating them with pointless words like so much hot air. We add length but lose clarity, and sometimes even sense. Our writing becomes the verbal equivalent of puffed rice, bland and insubstantial.

Compare the following sentences:

• Due to the fact that dragon hatchlings may become irritable when hungry, it is advisable that the handler afford them opportunities to feed in a timely manner.
• Because hunger makes dragon hatchlings irritable, handlers should let them feed on time.

The second is much more effective—clearer, stronger, and less likely to make readers bang their foreheads against their desks in frustration.

Because hunger makes dragon hatchlings irritable, handlers should let them feed on time.

Fortunately, many style guides list alternatives to the wordy phrases that like to creep into our writing. Below are suggestions for some of the most common offenders.

• Irma Vep utilizes her vampiric wiles on a regular basis as a means of ensnaring voyeurs.
• Irma Vep regularly uses her vampiric wiles to ensnare voyeurs.

• In the event that the alarm beacon on the clock tower begins flashing, citizens are required to put on their gas masks in a calm manner and wear them for a period of no less than six weeks or until such time as radiation levels return to normal.
• If the alarm beacon on the clock tower starts flashing, citizens must put on their gas masks calmly and wear them for at least six weeks or until radiation levels return to normal.

• The fact is that we have no openings for ventriloquists at this point in time; however, we hope to expand our opportunities with regard to this area in the near future.
• We have no openings for ventriloquists right now, but we hope to soon.

• In the case of limbo competitions, flexibility is very likely to be the deciding factor.
• Limbo competitors must be flexible to win.

If the alarm beacon on the clock tower starts flashing, citizens must put on their gas masks calmly and wear them for at least six weeks or until radiation levels return to normal.

More than improving your prose, reducing wordiness forces you to decide what you really want to say rather than regurgitate a series of meaningless phrases. Unless, of course, you’re trying to conceal the fact that you have nothing to say, in which case, puff away! (But don’t expect anyone to be fooled.)

Shone or Shined?

Is it wrong to say “the sun shined yesterday”? Well, maybe. It depends on where you live.

Belle had shined her buttons carefully the night before, determined to be the most dashing bear in the regiment.

In the UK, the past tense of shine is shone—except when shine is used in the sense of “to polish”; then its past tense is shined (see OxfordDictionaries.com and Collins English Dictionary). So Brits might say they shined their shoes, their silver, or their snooker trophies, but the sun hasn’t shone in ages.

• The full moon shone down on Professor Lupin at a most inconvenient moment.
• Belle had shined her buttons carefully the night before, determined to be the most dashing bear in the regiment.

Americans are much more likely to use shined. Merriam-Webster and The American Heritage Dictionary list the past tense of shine as either shone or shined. However, as with the Brits, shined is the only correct option when you’re talking about your boots or your car.

But though US writers can use both shined and shone, there is a preference in formal writing for one over the other (as noted by American Heritage and Grammar Girl). If you want to be scrupulously correct, use shone when the verb is intransitive and shined when it’s transitive. In other words, use shone when something was itself shining—the sun, his eyes, a lava lamp—and shined when something was being shined—a flashlight, a laser, a spotlight.

• US: The UFO shined its tractor beam on a hapless Holstein.
• UK: The UFO shone its tractor beam on a hapless Holstein.

Canadians take their cue from the British in this, but the Guide to Canadian English Usage notes that though shone is more common for sentences like “the sun shone,” shined is not incorrect.

• The city lights shone on Tony’s white polyester jumpsuit.
• Paloma shined her robot’s engine until it gleamed.
• Hien shone his flashlight into the coffin to make sure he hadn’t left anything behind.

Paloma shined her robot’s engine until it gleamed.

To recap:

Lead, Led, and Lead: Past Tense or Pencil?

Don’t confuse the past tense of lead, which is led, with lead, which sounds like led but is spelled like lead. Clear?

Of course not. Like a Dickens character, the English language has a convoluted and improbable past. Which is why we have a verb like lead, whose past tense (led) sounds like another word spelled exactly the same as its present tense (lead).

Our sinister guide led us down into the catacombs but gave no promise to lead us out again.

To clarify:

Lead (rhymes with bead): verb. To show the way

Led (rhymes with bed): verb. Past tense of lead

Lead (rhymes with dead): noun. A kind of metal, or the graphite core of a pencil

According to Word Origins by John Ayto, the verb comes from a Germanic word meaning “journey,” while the noun is probably derived from an Indo-European word for “flow” (because the metal is quick to melt). As for pencil leads, when graphite was first discovered, people mistakenly thought it was a kind of lead, and a pencil’s core has been referred to as a “lead” ever since.

• “Lead on, Macduff” is a misquotation of Macbeth.
• Agnes’s practical joke went over like a lead balloon.
• Joachim’s leading lady led him astray.
• “No, chewing on your pencil won’t give you lead poisoning,” said Hélène, “but it’s gross.”
• Our sinister guide led us down into the catacombs but made no promise to lead us out again.

Agnes’s practical joke went over like a lead balloon.

Loath vs. Loathe and Averse vs. Adverse

What a difference a letter makes.

Anoushka was loath to wake the sleeping basilisk.

Loath vs. Loathe

To loathe something is to despise it with every fibre of your being, to hate it with the fiery intensity of a thousand suns, to want to consign it to the lowest circle of hell. In short, to really, really not like it.

• Felix says he loathes suburbia and everything it stands for.

While loathe is something you do, loath is something you are. It means “reluctant” or “unwilling.” To say you are loath to do something means you would really rather not, thank you very much.

• Anoushka was loath to wake the sleeping basilisk.

Averse vs. Adverse

Averse means much the same thing as loath. If you’re averse to something, you don’t want to do it. You’d rather avoid it, or possibly push it away with a long stick. You have an aversion to it—a distaste, a dislike.

• I’m not averse to the occasional prank, but flying monkeys in the cafeteria is taking things a bit too far.

Adverse comes from the same root as adversity, which means “hardship” or “misfortune” (as in “to struggle against adversity.”) Something that’s adverse is causing you harm or making your life difficult in some way.

• The drug’s adverse effects include widespread hallucinations, carnivorous balloon animals, and bagpipe concerts.

The drug’s adverse effects include widespread hallucinations, carnivorous balloon animals, and bagpipe concerts.