Using the Right Verb Tense

I’ve written before about choosing the right verb tense when writing characters’ thoughts. Today I’m going to talk about how to convey different times in your story’s past. Or in other words, when to use had.

Past and More Past

• The butterflies drank all the champagne last night.
• The butterflies had drunk all the champagne by the time we got there.

The verbs drank and got are both in the past (or simple past) tense, since they happened last night. Had drunk is in the past perfect tense to show it happened before the moment we got there last night.

• I ran into Perseus in Starbucks. I had had my hair done that morning, so it was looking extra snaky.

  ran = past simple
  had had = past perfect (had + past participle)
  was looking = past progressive (was + present participle)

In this example, the first action (running into Perseus) took place at the time of the scene in Starbucks. The second action (having my hair done) took place earlier—that morning. The third action (looking snaky) happened at the same time as the first, but it’s a continuing action, something the snakes are in the midst of.

This is how the example would look if it took place in the present:

• I run into Perseus in Starbucks. I had my hair done this morning, so it is looking extra snaky.

You can see the first action is happening now, the second happened earlier (before now), and the third is still happening (continuing now). For past narratives, we’ll call these times “then,” “before then,” and “continuing then.”

• I felt confident of victory because I bribed the judges. X
• I felt confident of victory because I’d bribed the judges. ✓  

• I feel confident of victory because I’d bribed the judges. X
• I feel confident of victory because I bribed the judges. ✓
• I feel confident of victory because I’ve bribed the judges. ✓

In the last example, have bribed is called the present perfect tense. It’s formed with have or has plus a past participle and is used in present-tense narratives for two kinds of actions: those that started in the past and have continued till now (You’re late—I’ve waited all morning) or those that happened at an indefinite time in the past (You’ve cut your hair vs. You cut your hair yesterday).

Although there are exceptions (which I’ll discuss in a minute), the general rules in the charts above should help you keep your tenses straight.

• Zorg had beamed up by the time we arrived.
• By the time we arrive, Zorg has beamed up.

• I was cycling through the Alps when I met Franz. 
• I’m cycling my way through the Alps when I meet Franz.

• I’ve been working at the gas station for six months and I haven’t seen a single UFO.
• I’d been working at the gas station for six months and I hadn’t seen a single UFO. 

When Not to Use the Past Perfect

Though the past perfect is useful to show you’ve taken a step back in your narrative’s timeline, it’s not always necessary, provided the sequence of events is clear to the reader.

Say your story starts Ruth was a sailor who owned a big boat—obviously, a past-tense narrative. Next you write She was born in Fogo. You could write She had been born in Fogo instead, but it sounds a bit awkward unless it’s followed by a more recent event (e.g., She had been born in Fogo before they paved the roads). And even then it’s not necessary; it’s obvious to readers Ruth’s birth happened before the narrative starts.

Next you write Her parents were bootleggers. Should it be Her parents had been bootleggers? Depends on the story. Had been implies her parents are either dead or retired—no longer legging boots, in any case. Were could be interpreted to mean the same thing, or that they’re still bootlegging when the story starts. If the context doesn’t make your meaning clear, you need to use the past perfect.

• Ruth was a sailor who owned a big boat. She was born in Fogo. Her parents were bootleggers. (unclear)
• Ruth was a sailor who owned a big boat. She was born in Fogo. Her parents were bootleggers until they retired. (clear)
• Ruth was a sailor who owned a big boat. She was born in Fogo. Her parents had been bootleggers. (clear)

Sticklers may insist the second example should read Her parents had been bootleggers until they retired, but for most editors, where the sequence of events is clear, the choice of simple past or past perfect is a question of authorial style.

Let’s leave Ruth and revisit Medusa’s scene, expanding it a little. First we’ll use a present-tense narrative.

• I run into Perseus in Starbucks. I had my hair done this morning, so it’s looking extra snaky. The stylist fed each snake a live cricket. She said they seemed happy today. Perseus doesn’t look happy to see them.

Our two times are “now,” in the coffee shop (run, is looking, does), and “before now,” in the salon (had, fed, said, seemed). If we wanted to change this to a past-tense narrative, we could change every “before now” verb to past perfect, but that would give us a lot of hads.

• I ran into Perseus in Starbucks. I’d had my hair done that morning, so it was looking extra snaky. The stylist had fed each snake a live cricket. She’d said they’d seemed happy today. Perseus didn’t look happy to see them.

This is not technically incorrect, but it reads awkwardly. There are several places where we could use the simple past instead without obscuring the sequence of events.

• I ran into Perseus in Starbucks. I’d had my hair done that morning, so it was looking extra snaky. The stylist fed each snake a live cricket. She said they seemed happy today. Perseus didn’t look happy to see them.

Obviously the stylist is part of the “before then” we established with I’d had my hair done that morning, so using fed instead of had fed isn’t confusing (though you could use had fed if you wanted). The next sentence, She said they seemed happy today, sounds downright clumsy in the past perfect (She’d said they’d seemed happy today), so you’re much better off using the simple past. Some writers would even change I’d had my hair done to I had my hair done, on the grounds that that morning makes the action’s timing clear, but I feel the past perfect is useful there to signal a shift to the reader.

Authors often start a long flashback using the past perfect for the first couple of actions then change to simple past once the time has been established. This is necessary if they intend to jump back again within the flashback, taking the reader to “before before then” with the past perfect. Grammar Girl has an excellent post dissecting this method.

Narrative Effects

You have a lot of authorial wiggle room when it comes to choosing whether to use the past perfect, but be aware that your choice can subtly change your narrative.

• The whole night was a disaster.
• The whole night had been a disaster. 

These two examples each locate the reader in a different narrative space. The first is slightly more distant. It’s simply relating an event.

• The whole night was a disaster. The champagne never arrived, the caterer quit, the yacht capsized, and Aziz had to swim to shore. 

The second example implies the protagonist is looking back from his current situation. It fixes the reader within the present scene.

• The whole night had been a disaster. The champagne never arrived, the caterer quit, the yacht capsized, and Aziz had had to swim to shore. Now he was sitting on the beach, sopping wet and missing a sock.

Choosing which verb tense to use is a matter of balancing grammatical correctness with narrative flow—always, of course, prioritizing clarity for your readers.

Even after you’ve mastered the past perfect, the subjunctive mood (if I had a million dollars) can throw off your past-tense narrative. I’ll be covering the subjunctive in my next post. If I were you, I would stay tuned.

You can support this blog and access bonus content by subscribing to patreon.com/grammarlandia. 

How to Write Characters’ Thoughts

Like dialogue, thoughts need to be written with certain rules in mind, to make sure readers don’t confuse them with speech or narrative.

This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

You could set your character’s thoughts apart with quotation marks, treating them the same as dialogue.

• “This can’t be the right skull,” thought Solange. “It doesn’t have any fangs.”

But since readers might find this confusing, quotation marks are usually not recommended.

Another way to differentiate thoughts from dialogue is to use italics.

• This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Or you can choose not to set your character’s thoughts apart typographically at all.

• This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

These examples all use a speech (or thought) tag: “thought Solange.” (See How to Punctuate Dialogue for more on speech tags.) If you don’t want to include a tag, consider using italics to avoid confusion.

• Solange frowned. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Verb Tense and Narrative Voice

When you read your character’s thoughts aloud, they should sound just like dialogue. Inner voice, like spoken dialogue, is usually in the present tense. Though Solange’s story takes place last week in the Louvre’s secret vaults (“Solange frowned”), she thinks, as she speaks, in the present tense: this can’t be right, it doesn’t have fangs. You could put her thoughts in the past tense, but then they wouldn’t be her inner voice.

• Solange frowned. This couldn’t be the right skull. It didn’t have any fangs.

We still know what Solange is thinking, but here it’s because the narrator is telling us. The same authorial voice that informs us “Solange frowned” is also telling us her thought process.

The difference between inner voice and narrative voice can be a subtle one.

• Solange frowned. This skull didn’t have any fangs. What the hell?
• Solange frowned. This skull didn’t have any fangs. What the hell?

The first example allows us to hear Solange’s thoughts. The second blurs the line between the narrator’s voice and Solange’s, bringing us closer to her point of view.

Though Solange’s story takes place last week in the Louvre’s secret vaults, she thinks, as she speaks, in the present tense.

Suppose, instead of carrying out her heist last week, Solange is rifling the Louvre’s vaults at this very moment.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

With the narrative in the present tense, we can’t be sure whether these are her thoughts or part of the narrative. Adding a thought tag clarifies the distinction.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull, she reasons. It doesn’t have any fangs.

However, “It doesn’t have any fangs” could still be either Solange’s words or the narrator’s.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Here the line between thought and narrative is unambiguous.

Thinking in the First Person 

Just as you never speak of yourself as she or he (at least I hope you don’t), your character should always think of themselves in the first person: I, me, we, us.

• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. I have to grab what I can, she decided. (Thought with tag)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. I have to grab what I can. (Thought without tag)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. She had to grab what she could. (Narrator’s voice)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. She had to grab what she could. (Rampant confusion)

Of course, this is assuming you’re writing your story in the third person. But maybe you want your character to be the narrator.

Past-tense narrative:

• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I have to grab what I can, I decided. (Thought)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I have to grab what I can. (Thought)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I had to grab what I could. (Narrator’s voice)

Present-tense narrative:

• The guard’s footsteps echo above me. I have to grab what I can. (Could be thought or narrator)
• The guard’s footsteps echo above me. I have to grab what I can. (Thought)

The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I had to grab what I could. 

Interior Monologue

Some authors combine narrative and inner voice in what’s called interior monologue or stream of consciousness; famous examples include Marcel Proust, Virginia Woolf, and William Faulkner. There are no thought tags or italics with this literary device, and no distant narrator—the reader is plunged into the character’s mind.

BELOVED, she my daughter. She mine. See. She come back of her own free will and I don’t have to explain a thing. I didn’t have time to explain before because it had to be done quick. Quick. She had to be safe and I put her where she would be. But my love was tough and she back now. I knew she would be. (Toni Morrison, Beloved)

Though this style might have been considered radical once, today’s readers are used to a close narrative point of view. If we’re not quite all reading Ulysses, neither do most of us prefer the aloof narrative style of the nineteenth century. We want a sense of immediacy with our characters; we want to inhabit their minds.

As a writer, you may choose not to set your character’s thoughts apart from the narrative. This is fine, provided it’s a carefully thought-out device and not an awkward confusion of verb tenses and points of view. When a character’s thoughts are bewildering, it should be because the author intends them to be (and his name is probably James Joyce). Use whichever system you like when it comes to writing your characters’ inner voices—so long as you’re consistent, and so long as you don’t confuse your readers.