How to Write Characters’ Thoughts

Like dialogue, thoughts need to be written with certain rules in mind, to make sure readers don’t confuse them with speech or narrative.

This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

You could set your character’s thoughts apart with quotation marks, treating them the same as dialogue.

• “This can’t be the right skull,” thought Solange. “It doesn’t have any fangs.”

But since readers might find this confusing, quotation marks are usually not recommended.

Another way to differentiate thoughts from dialogue is to use italics.

• This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Or you can choose not to set your character’s thoughts apart typographically at all.

• This can’t be the right skull, thought Solange. It doesn’t have any fangs.

These examples all use a speech (or thought) tag: “thought Solange.” (See How to Punctuate Dialogue for more on speech tags.) If you don’t want to include a tag, consider using italics to avoid confusion.

• Solange frowned. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Verb Tense and Narrative Voice

When you read your character’s thoughts aloud, they should sound just like dialogue. Inner voice, like spoken dialogue, is usually in the present tense. Though Solange’s story takes place last week in the Louvre’s secret vaults (“Solange frowned”), she thinks, as she speaks, in the present tense: this can’t be right, it doesn’t have fangs. You could put her thoughts in the past tense, but then they wouldn’t be her inner voice.

• Solange frowned. This couldn’t be the right skull. It didn’t have any fangs.

We still know what Solange is thinking, but here it’s because the narrator is telling us. The same authorial voice that informs us “Solange frowned” is also telling us her thought process.

The difference between inner voice and narrative voice can be a subtle one.

• Solange frowned. This skull didn’t have any fangs. What the hell?
• Solange frowned. This skull didn’t have any fangs. What the hell?

The first example allows us to hear Solange’s thoughts. The second blurs the line between the narrator’s voice and Solange’s, bringing us closer to her point of view.

Though Solange’s story takes place last week in the Louvre’s secret vaults, she thinks, as she speaks, in the present tense.

Suppose, instead of carrying out her heist last week, Solange is rifling the Louvre’s vaults at this very moment.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

With the narrative in the present tense, we can’t be sure whether these are her thoughts or part of the narrative. Adding a thought tag clarifies the distinction.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull, she reasons. It doesn’t have any fangs.

However, “It doesn’t have any fangs” could still be either Solange’s words or the narrator’s.

• Solange frowns. This can’t be the right skull. It doesn’t have any fangs.

Here the line between thought and narrative is unambiguous.

Thinking in the First Person 

Just as you never speak of yourself as she or he (at least I hope you don’t), your character should always think of themselves in the first person: I, me, we, us.

• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. I have to grab what I can, she decided. (Thought with tag)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. I have to grab what I can. (Thought without tag)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. She had to grab what she could. (Narrator’s voice)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above. She had to grab what she could. (Rampant confusion)

Of course, this is assuming you’re writing your story in the third person. But maybe you want your character to be the narrator.

Past-tense narrative:

• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I have to grab what I can, I decided. (Thought)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I have to grab what I can. (Thought)
• The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I had to grab what I could. (Narrator’s voice)

Present-tense narrative:

• The guard’s footsteps echo above me. I have to grab what I can. (Could be thought or narrator)
• The guard’s footsteps echo above me. I have to grab what I can. (Thought)

The guard’s footsteps echoed above me. I had to grab what I could. 

Interior Monologue

Some authors combine narrative and inner voice in what’s called interior monologue or stream of consciousness; famous examples include Marcel Proust, Virginia Woolf, and William Faulkner. There are no thought tags or italics with this literary device, and no distant narrator—the reader is plunged into the character’s mind.

BELOVED, she my daughter. She mine. See. She come back of her own free will and I don’t have to explain a thing. I didn’t have time to explain before because it had to be done quick. Quick. She had to be safe and I put her where she would be. But my love was tough and she back now. I knew she would be. (Toni Morrison, Beloved)

Though this style might have been considered radical once, today’s readers are used to a close narrative point of view. If we’re not quite all reading Ulysses, neither do most of us prefer the aloof narrative style of the nineteenth century. We want a sense of immediacy with our characters; we want to inhabit their minds.

As a writer, you may choose not to set your character’s thoughts apart from the narrative. This is fine, provided it’s a carefully thought-out device and not an awkward confusion of verb tenses and points of view. When a character’s thoughts are bewildering, it should be because the author intends them to be (and his name is probably James Joyce). Use whichever system you like when it comes to writing your characters’ inner voices—so long as you’re consistent, and so long as you don’t confuse your readers.

Rein vs. Reign and Strait vs. Straight

Have you ever written about being in “dire straights” or giving someone “free reign”? Read on to find out just how wrong you were.

Try to rein in your anarchist tendencies during the tea party.

Rein and Reign

We’re all familiar with a horse’s reins, which keep it from bolting off into the blue. The word rein is used in expressions having to do with control or restraint, such as “rein in” or “keep a tight rein on.” Conversely, giving a horse “free rein” means it can go where it likes—just as a decorator given free (or full) rein may fill your bathroom with gold-plated fixtures and wall-to-wall mirrors.

To reign is to rule; the word comes from the same Latin root that gave us regent and regency. Use reign when you’re talking about domination: reign of terror, reign supreme.

• Try to rein in your anarchist tendencies during the tea party.
• Chaos reigned at the Laus’ house on the night Jenny’s pet rat, Cocoa, escaped.

Strait and Straight

A strait is a narrow passage between two bodies of water, like the Strait of Magellan or the Georgia Strait. Metaphorically, it refers to anything tight or restricting: straitjacket, straitlaced. “Dire straits” could be literally a difficult route to sail between rocky cliffs, or a figurative tight spot. The idea of restriction is also present in “straitened circumstances,” a euphemism for poverty.

Straight means “without deviation”: a straight line, straight up, straight to the point. Straight also implies honesty—no detours from the truth.

• After the bust, Knuckles swore he was going straight.
• Straitlaced men are like catnip to the succubus.

Having said that, some dictionaries list straightjacket and straightlaced as variant spellings, as they’ve become so common. But that’s no reason not to learn the difference, and using the more irreproachable spelling will earn you points from straitlaced grammarphiles.

Straitlaced men are like catnip to the succubus.

How to Capitalize Titles

The rules for capitalizing titles are collectively known as headline style, which is used not only for titles of works (books, movies, songs, etc.) but also for headlines and subheadings. Mastering this style isn’t so much a matter of learning what words to capitalize as learning what words not to capitalize.

Flying Monsters: A History

Headline Style: The Basics

Not all publications use headline style; some use sentence style, in which only the first letter is capitalized. Others say “the hell with it” and capitalize every single word, no matter what it is (Buzzfeed, I’m looking at you). But most editors follow the rules laid out in The Chicago Manual of Style.

Chicago recommends capitalizing all the important words: nouns, verbs, pronouns, adjectives, and adverbs. They also capitalize the first and last words of both title and subtitle. 

• Flying Monsters: A History

What Not to Capitalize in Headline Style

• Articles—the, a, and an—should be lowercase. Unless, of course, they’re the first or last words of the title or subtitle, like A in the example above.

• Chicago uses lowercase for all prepositions, no matter how long; however, many editors capitalize prepositions of more than a certain number of letters.

• Conjunctions, such as and, but, or, and nor, are lowercase.

• To is lowercase when it’s part of an infinitive verb (How to Twerk).

• As is always lowercase.

• Bits of foreign names like de and von, if they’re lowercase in the original spelling, are lowercase in titles (The von Trapp Family Singers).

Unconscious Robber Comes To and Flees

When to Capitalize Prepositions

Here’s where it gets tricky: the same word can perform different roles, some of which are capitalized and some of which are not. To, for example, can be a preposition (Come to Our Krampus Party!), part of an infinitive (I Have Come to Mourn My Wasted Youth), or part of a phrasal verb (Unconscious Robber Comes To and Flees).

Phrasal verbs (like come to) happen when a verb + preposition(s) forms a kind of unit, one whose meaning is distinct from what its words mean separately. Other examples of phrasal verbs are turn down, put off, hang out, put up with, and sit in for. These prepositions have been transmogrified into (parts of) verbs, so they get capitalized in headline style.

• Timothy Leary titled his spoken-word album Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out.
• In Bringing Up Baby, Cary Grant dons a negligee.

Prepositions are also capitalized when they serve as adjectives.

• Push the On Button
• No Running up the Down Escalator

Prepositions in Latin phrases like in vitro and per capita are treated the same as English prepositions: they’re lowercase except when the phrase functions as an adjective or adverb.

• Fertilization in Vitro but About In Vitro Fertilization
• Clowns per Capita but Measuring Per Capita Clownage

Participles, you may recall, are verb forms ending in –ing or –ed. Some of them may act as prepositions, such as including, regarding, given, and based on. In that case, Chicago doesn’t capitalize them.

• Four Theories concerning the Gospel according to Matthew

However, lots of editors think this looks clunky and choose to capitalize prepositions over a certain number of letters (usually three or four). This policy has the bonus of cutting down the number of words you need to agonize over. Is around being an adverb or a preposition? Who cares! It’s six letters, so cap that puppy!

• Four Theories Concerning the Gospel According to Matthew
• Haberdashery Around the World

Haberdashery Around the World

When a Conjunction Is Not a Conjunction

Conjunctions, as you might remember, join two clauses to form a sentence. So and yet are conjunctions—except when they’re adverbs.

• Darkness Has Prevailed, yet All Is Not Lost but We Have Not Yet Begun to Fight
• You’re Annoying so I Left but You’re So Vain

Whenever a word is being discussed as a word, it’s functioning as a noun, and is therefore capitalized.

• On the Abbreviations of “And” and “In” in Text Messages
• No Ifs, Ands, or Buts!

Capitalizing Hyphenated Words

Should you capitalize both words in half-baked? What about post-coital?

Chicago capitalizes both parts of compound words, except when the first part is only a prefix—something that can’t stand alone—in which case the second part is lowercase.

• Half-Baked Brownies: Cooking with Low-THC Marijuana
• Le Petit Mort: A Study of Post-coital Lassitude
• Hacking Government E-mails for Fun and Profit

Other publications capitalize only the first part of a compound—except, obviously, in the case of proper nouns (Ali, French, Google), which are always capitalized.

• Half-baked Brownies: Cooking with Low-THC Marijuana
• An Exhibition of Anti-Soviet Propaganda from World War II
• Post-Freudian Dream Interpretation

If a hyphenated phrase contains a word that would normally be lowercase, like an article or a preposition, keep it lowercase.

• The Out-of-Work Actors’ Fund
• Dyed-in-the-Wool Marxist Refuses Knighthood

Post-Freudian Dream Interpretation

Knowing headline style isn’t useful only for bibliographers; it’s an indispensable skill for any writer. You need it to write the name of your favourite song (“These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ ”), the TV show you’re currently obsessed with (Game of Thrones), or the work of art that best sums up this year (Edvard Munch’s The Scream). You’ll probably use it in the titles of your blog posts and the subheadings on your website (see above). And you’ll find it handy should you ever need to quote a sign (Beware of Dog) or a motto (Keep Calm and Carry On). Headline style’s somewhat arbitrary rules may vary, but be consistent and you won’t go wrong.

Effect vs. Affect

The easiest way to tell these homonyms apart is to remember that, most of the time, we use effect as a noun and affect as a verb. In other words, an effect is usually a thing, while to affect usually involves doing something. (Mnemonic tip: affect = action.)

• The effects of the transporter have never been fully explained.
• Geraldo’s love spell had no effect on the handsome gargoyle.
• Carrying the Righteous Sword of Truth within my body does not affect my digestion. 
• Mr. Rogers’s affecting monologue had us all in tears.

However, English being the gloriously contrarian language it is, there are other, less common definitions of both words that don’t follow the same rule.

Carrying the Righteous Sword of Truth within my body does not affect my digestion.

Effect as a Verb

The verb effect is most often seen in bureaucratese as a pompous way of saying “to bring about” or “to make happen.”

• Pipe Kleenerz Inc. was able to effect a change in its fuzziness policies.

This is not to be confused with the verb affect, which means “to influence.”

• EvilCorp affected the environmental legislation through nefarious means. (EvilCorp influenced the legislation.)
• Our municipal government effected its anti-mime legislation last week. (The legislation was put into effect.)

Affect as a Noun

An affect (pronounced AF-fect rather than af-FECT) is an emotion or, in psychiatric circles, the manifestation of an emotion. For example, descriptions of depression or autism will sometimes mention a “flat affect,” that is, not showing visible evidence of feelings.

• As a chef, Mandeep’s usual affect is of barely restrained fury.
• The movie villain’s lack of affect was more disturbing than clichéd moustache-twirling.

Affect as Another Verb

Beyond “to influence,” the verb affect can also mean “to pretend (a behaviour) in order to impress.” This meaning is related to the noun affectation, “a contrived manner.”

• Randy affects a British accent at gallery openings, but no one is fooled.
• At seventeen, Zahra decided to affect a plumed hat whenever she went out.
• Keiko affected a limp so no one would suspect she was a cat burglar.

At seventeen, Zahra decided to affect a plumed hat whenever she went out.

So, you might affect a certain affect in order to create an effect that will affect those around you, thus effecting your master plan.

(Sorry.)

Sex and the Single Quotation Mark

Yes, okay, single quotation marks don’t actually have sex as far as we know, but they certainly do seem to be proliferating these days.

“The king himself called my beard ‘enviably luxuriant,’ ” boasted the ambassador.

Keeping Singles in Their Place

The Chicago Manual of Style says there’s no call to use single quotation marks except within existing double quotation marks.

• “The king himself called my beard ‘enviably luxuriant,’ ” boasted the ambassador.

Well, there are a couple of other reasons, namely if you’re writing something technical about linguistics or philosophy—but let’s face it, you’re probably not. Also, if you’re in the UK (or you’re in America but like being kind of pretentious), then you might permissibly use single quotation marks where the rest of us use doubles. All other uses, according to the Chicago Manual, are incorrect.

Meet the Press

But journalists operate out of a different rule book—literally: The Associated Press Stylebook (usually referred to as AP style) uses single quotation marks in headlines to save space.

• ‘I Am Not a Vampire’ Says Mayor

Since headlines don’t include italics, words that would normally be italicized, like movie titles, are put in quotation marks instead.

• Local Citizens Confused, Nauseated After Watching ‘Un Chien Andalou’

Twitter Wreaks Havoc on Punctuation

Single quotation marks tend to be the go-to in any medium where space is at a premium, such as Twitter (although that site is a bit of a punctuation free-for-all).

Merriam-Webster uses single quotation marks on Twitter as a replacement for italics, which aren’t available for the site. Thus you get tweets like the one below, where the word-as-word is in single quotation marks, and its gloss, or meaning, is in double quotation marks.

The logic is clear, but the effect is a little confusing.

Oxford Dictionaries declares both single and double quotation marks are acceptable in American usage, but urges writers to stick to one or the other. However, most authorities lean towards double quotation marks under ordinary circumstances.

Local Citizens Confused, Nauseated After Watching ‘Un Chien Andalou’

If all this has your head spinning, just remember that the raison d’être of punctuation is clarity. First ask yourself, do you really need quotation marks around that word or phrase? Would italics work just as well, or better? (See Quotation Marks, Parts One and Two.) Second, will using both single and double quotation marks in the same piece make things more or less comprehensible for your readers? Is what you gain in precision worth what you’re losing in visual coherence?

Once you have pondered these questions and come to a decision, punctuate as you see fit. But be prepared to defend your choices to the death. Or at least on Twitter.

Quotation Marks, Part Two

[Part One]

Quotations marks are not, as some people seem to think, a good way to sexy up your signage with bizarre offers of “free” merchandise (meaning you have to pay?) or “special” deals (sounds suspicious). 

Though a member of the “weaker” sex, Claudette routinely thrashed bullies before breakfast.

Sneer Quotes

Putting quotation marks around a word is another way of saying “just kidding!” These so-called sneer quotes give a word an ironic or sarcastic spin. 

• Though a member of the “weaker” sex, Claudette routinely thrashed bullies before breakfast.
• Mikhail “borrowed” her Snuggie six months ago and has no intention of giving it back.

But don’t use quotation marks after the word so-called; that would be overkill.

Unfamiliar Words 

The first time you use a word or expression that might be unfamiliar to your readers, you may want to put it in quotation marks. It could be a technical term, a bit of obscure jargon, or a slang expression that’s out of keeping with the tone of your piece. You can skip the quotation marks for subsequent uses of the word. 

• For the Caesar salad dressing, you will need to “coddle” an egg.
• It is safe to say that Mr. Buckley was not “woke.”

Use this device sparingly, or you risk distracting your readers with too much punctuation. And don’t use it with widely familiar words, because that’s just annoying. 

• X   I’m “hip” to the kids and their “funky” slang!

Words as Words

If you want to talk about a word itself rather than its meaning (for example, “Do you spell ‘color’ with a u?”), quotation marks are a good way to clarify your intention and avoid confusion. Or you can do as I do and use italics instead; both are correct.

• Ming’s eight-year-old nephew confuses “cinnamon” with “synonym.”
• He won the spelling bee with syphilis.

Definitions and Translations 

You can put the meaning, or gloss, of a word in either quotation marks or parentheses. The same goes for English translations of foreign words.

• Blandishments is a word used here to mean “tight jeans and come-hither glances.”
• After achieving satori (sudden enlightenment), the monk dedicated himself to practical jokes.

After achieving satori (sudden enlightenment), the monk dedicated himself to practical jokes.

Quotation Marks with Other Punctuation

While commas may go before dialogue, they don’t belong in front of words or phrases that are closely integrated into the rest of the sentence. 

• Armin never would have told her to “keep the home fires burning” if he’d known her history of pyromania.
• He told her, “Playing with matches is all very well, but a good insurance policy will keep you warm at night.”

Though the British would disagree, Americans and most Canadians put periods and commas inside closing quotation marks. However, exclamation points, question marks, colons, semicolons, and dashes only go inside quotation marks if they’re part of the element—whether dialogue, title, or expression—being enclosed.

• Sulamith titled her essay on climate change “We’re All Doomed! Doomed!” 
• How could you forget the words to “Kumbayah”? 
• Coach’s pep talk included an inspiring line from Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”: “Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?” 
• For the next class, read “From Weapon to Toy: A Concise History of the Yo-yo,” published in Modern Collector; the pamphlet “Walking the Dog and Other Tricks”; and “Yo Yo Ma: American Cellist.” 
• With typical ebullience, Emily Dickinson wrote “Because I could not stop for Death— / He kindly stopped for me—” 
• “Lice have certainly”—Mr. Jenkins paused and scratched his head—“never been a problem at this school.”

With typical ebullience, Emily Dickinson wrote “Because I could not stop for Death— / He kindly stopped for me—”

When Not to Use Quotation Marks

As covered above and in Part One, you don’t need quotation marks for epigraphs (quotations at the beginning of a work or chapter), after so-called, or for widely known terms and expressions.

You also don’t need quotation marks for proverbs, titles at the head of a document, or the words yes and no—unless they’re presented as dialogue.

• The guillotiners gruesomely embraced the adage that practice makes perfect.
• How could anyone say no to that scaly little face?
• Smiling widely, Puck replied, “Yes.”

Next time: The mysterious persistence of single quotation marks

Quotation Marks, Part One

Much as you may love the little wigglers, you can’t simply throw quotation marks at any word or phrase you feel like decorating. This two-part post will cover all the socially acceptable uses of quotation marks.

Dialogue

Let’s start with the obvious: Quotation marks show when a character is speaking aloud.

• “Meet me at the orgy,” said Cristóbal. “I’ll be under the third owl on the left.”

“Meet me at the orgy,” said Cristóbal. “I’ll be under the third owl on the left.”

Don’t use quotation marks after the word that. Describing what someone said (called indirect discourse) is not the same as quoting them.

• Ziyi said that the end of the world would have to wait.

(See also How to Punctuate Dialogue.)

Nesting Quotation Marks

What if you need to put quotation marks around something that’s already in quotation marks—say, a word within a piece of dialogue? In that case, put your word in single quotation marks, keeping your dialogue in double quotation marks as usual. If you need yet another set of quotation marks inside your single marks, use doubles again, and continue to alternate until you run out of room or run mad, whichever comes first.

• “I just saw him giving his ‘sister’ a snog!” snapped Sybil.
• “The word waning here means ‘dim, and making everything look extra-creepy.’ ” (Lemony Snicket, The Austere Academy)

Literary (or Not-So-Literary) Quotations

That last sentence is an example of another common use of quotation marks: to quote a work of literature—or a blog post, or a bit of graffiti.

• As Douglas Adams once said, “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

However, if your quote is an epigraph (a quotation at the beginning of a book or chapter), you don’t need quotation marks. The same is true of a long quotation that’s indented from the rest of the text:

As they passed Gertrude raised her head and directed towards the young nobleman two eyes so eye-like in their expression as to be absolutely circular, while Lord Ronald directed towards the occupant of the dogcart a gaze so gaze-like that nothing but a gazelle, or a gas-pipe, could have emulated its intensity. (Stephen Leacock, “Gertrude the Governess,” Nonsense Novels)

Stephen Leacock’s Nonsense Novels (1911) includes “Gertrude the Governess.”

Titles of Works: Quotation Marks or Italics

Use quotation marks for titles of articles, essays, short stories, poems, songs, and television episodes.

• “Law and Disorder” is the infamous Brady Bunch episode in which the actor who played Greg was stoned during filming.

Most other titles—like those of books, movies, and TV shows—are written in italics (more on that here). The Associated Press uses quotation marks instead of italics, but you don’t need to worry about AP style unless you’re a journalist. Certain media don’t allow italic fonts—Twitter, for instance—and in that case you may use quotation marks as a substitute, but only if italics are unavailable.

“Law and Disorder” is the infamous Brady Bunch episode in which the actor who played Greg was stoned during filming.

Coming up in Part Two: Sneer quotes, punctuation soup, and common errors to avoid